What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
Last Updated: 02.07.2025 05:31
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
I did it because my mum asked me too!
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
This is how, and why children get BPD.
For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
I write beautiful poetry .
He was dying to do it , i knew.
It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
He resisted the act ,that day.
I don,t even have a pension.
Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
I had hoped to write a book about this .
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.
Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
Why do people think Mirko is boring in My Hero Academia?
Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
I never cut or harmed myself..
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
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She loved him until the end.
It was going to be , some day.
And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
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He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
I will be 64.
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
Aut ut accusantium quos sint ad aperiam.
But it wasn’t much.
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
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Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
I said to her
The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
Comes on , in middle age.
Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
My life is so biszare .
One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
On the 31st of Jan this month .
What did i know ?
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
She wouldn,t have been !
She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
I could never make a relationship work though!
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
(And it was in our own minds.)
So whats the point in blame.
I have no regrets .
So, i spoilt her more .
I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
Im dying but, im not bitter.
Especially a lifetime of it.
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
Why did i forgive my father ?
My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!
My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
And i lived it daily.
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
But, we were locked up after school.
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
Thats was my nicest nick name for him
And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
I was writing from the time i was a small child.
Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
Im still living with it.
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
Ive learnt so much.
But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..
I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
But ive been too sick for many years..
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
I of course replied” arh beautiful!
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
And who doesn’t know suffering?
She died at 55 of colon cancer.
As i do to all so called friends.?
My mum and dad in the seventies!
He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
Put me off passion for life!!
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
They are buried together, in the same grave..
You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
This is soul school!.
We all went to grammer schools
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
She was in good health!
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
The only rule us 5 kids had .
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
I know ,a lot about trauma.
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
I waited trembling.
A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
Where the ultimate outsiders.
I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
I think the readers, may guess!
One cannot live in the past .
It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
I was scared of men, in general
She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
One cannot hold on to bitterness.
Who then, do I blame.?
As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
I was very sick at this time too.
But im dying ,and its too late for me.
Another so called friend had bit the dust..
Would this be the day?
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
My family never makes their pension either.
All the time i was locked up.
I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
She found it foreign!.
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
I was seconnd youngest,
She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
I couldn’t, believe it.
Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
I was 9 years of age.
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
She married twice! .
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
We were not on the streets..
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
He knew the spot.
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
When she asked me how she looked .
I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
Was to survive, this bastard.
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..